Sunday, March 9, 2008

This is an effort to collect a debt...

I declare shenanigans on this guy.

We all know that debt collection agencies are perhaps the single largest pollups on the colon of our lives. I'd be hard pressed to find anyone that hasn't had to, in some way, deal with these people. They are brash, rude and cocksuckingly straightforward in their attempts to collect whatever money they feel you owe them.

And considering the plight of our Nation's economy, I wouldn't be surprised to see that this business was and is one of the fastest growing over the past few years, especially here in Michigan. (Note to the Governor of Michigan...if you want to create jobs here, lure these debt collection agencies to Michigan. There are plenty of people available to work the phones, it creates jobs, which allows people to earn money, easing the burden on the government, which in turn stimulates economic on and so see how it works?)

Anyway, I guess the real issue here in the article is not that the agency is trying to collect a measly $16.96 from a Columbia House record account, which could easily be wiped away as a write off or something, but the fact that the fella actually signed an affidavit saying that he did not open the account under the name "Shit Face".

Bullshit. I know that clown is actually Shit Face. Do you wanna know why?

I did the same thing quite a few times. I had all sorts of accounts under different names. Now I will say that I never had one under such brain busting creativity such as "Shit Face" or "Cock Smoker" or anything of that ilk. I don't know, call me wanting to sound more legit by coming up with something somewhat unique and not sound like some faghole who thinks he's so daring, funny and wears a Hooters jacket everywhere.

But, I had a Columbia House account under the name "Marvin Wiskeydink".

I had a Wall Street Journal account under the name "Heywood Jablome".

I had a Playboy magazine account under the name "Phil Rupp" (clever, I know) and another one while I was at Michigan State under the name "Bradley Xavier Martino".

So, I know it has been done more than by myself. I'm sure millions of people have done this.

Therefore, I certainly cannot believe for one second that this collection agency, out of the blue, decided to pick a random account out of the pile and send a letter calling the man "shit face", violating a staunch piece of debt collection legislation to not badger customers, thrusting them into a potentially expensive legal battle.

Hence the declared shenanigans.

The problem is, the guy will probably win 50x the amount he owed because of the letter and because the suit will settle out of court. Yep, the clever Hooter's jacket wearing turd will win again.

And I get nothing for being clever.

Stupid Marvin Whiskeydink