Friday, September 5, 2008


Oh, Gustav, you wily little gay bitch. You petered out over Louisiana and have been trudging ever so woefully up our way, today dumping your wet shit all over us and wreaking havoc in my little enclave known as "Biblethumpaville".

I say that with the utmost endearment of course. I mean, we need the rain here. The good Lord has bestowed nothing but abundant sunshine our way for three months, leaving a trail of brown grass, attack bees the size of Boeing jets and shit smelling foulness from all the baking manure being sewn upon the celery farms over here. Now we get a precursor for that same good Lord reminding us that, 'Hey! You live in West Michigan, remember? Heads up because in a few months I'm gonna sock you in the nuts with about twelve feet of snow! Ha ha, dipshit!"

What was I saying?

Oh yeah. Since it was raining, people this morning were freaking the hell out while driving. Apparently, we have forgotten about precipitation and how it relates to driving conditions. Well, how rain doesn't affect the driving conditions much. But, you could have fooled a half a million people here, because it was backed up on the expressway like shit stalls at a local taverns "Beat the bladder Night".

Of course, this gave me time to release a lot of the pent up dirty words due to my Tourette's that I have been avoiding and observe...LICK MY SWEATY BUTT HOLE ASS COCK...some strange things on the roads.

Which brings me to this.

When you see a fuel truck, or an oil truck, you always see that red flame sticker marked "flammable" right? I mean, should that thing ever get a lit cigarette flicked at it while parked at the local Gas N Sip, sayonara Grand Rapids, right? So that's a no-brainer.

And we know that methane gas, released when one breaks wind after eating Taco Bell and drinking Miller High Life, amongst other things, is pretty lethal in itself. I mean we all know that cow's are fucking up our environment with their poots, and we know that one can light a fart if the conditions are right.

So let me ask you this.

Why don't those Septic Trucks aka "shit wagons" that haul tons of human crap, have a "flammable" sticker on them? I mean, can you imagine the gas built up in those things? All sloshing around like a Dr. Jeckyl mixture of used corn and sauerkraut? What do you think would happen if that fucker caught a lit match? How horrible would that be?

It's too horrible to imagine.

God, I love juvenile humor.

Poot. Hehehe...

This might be the single most stupid, idiotic, retarded post in the history of writing. A new low.