Thursday, June 5, 2008

Quick Hitters Ain't Only For Weed

"Here I sit, broken hearted, came to shit but only farted..."

I can't say that I have a particularly exciting topic in mind to write about today, since I was up rather late watching the hockey season officially end (Go Wings) and something about Energy Drinks that kept me up later than I needed to be, like God was holding my eyelids up with His toothpicks.

With that in mind, I just have a few points that I was thinking about and that I wrote down. I suppose that I could expand on the ideas at some point, maybe not. After all, I am very lazy and quite frankly, this isn't my life, I got other shit to do today.

Here goes...

- Is there anyone more positive yet more clueless about life than a graduating High School Senior? Really, they're all of 18, never been out of the enclave of their homes and towns but seem to walk around like they matter.

Hey kid. You don't know shit. Sure the sky's the limit - but did I mention that you have to build your own plane? Get cracking. (Or have Daddy buy you one...)

- My kid went out and bought a bag of those Big M&M's the other day. Do we really need bigger M&M's? Seriously, if I feel like I am so hungry that I want more M&M's, I'll just go nuts and eat two.

- Rumor has it that there were tons of women lined up outside of theaters waiting to see the new Sex and the City movie dressed as the characters, complete with stiletto heels, toting martini glasses sipping Cosmos and transporting inserted diaphragms.

It's too bad that there wasn't a new release of a Star Trek film the same weekend, because we were all one strategically placed Lindsay Lohan poorly attempted parallel parking job away from taking out twice as many losers.

- How are those "Economic Stimulus Checks" we are all getting treating you? Let me all got a full tank of gas with them didn't you?

- Whatever happened to "The Proclaimers"? "Now I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man that'd walk 1,000 miles to fall down at your door...dead, apparently". You know what? I don't care, really.

- I firmly believe that there is a direct negative correlation between a man's ability in bed and his desire for noise emitting from his vehicle.
Case in point.
Rednecks that have no mufflers on them thar pick-up trucks and Douchebags riding organ donor-cycles that wake my groggy ass up with them at 3 in the morning are five pump chumps that tell their women to lay there while they pile drive into them while dreaming of the cover model on the latest Road Head magazine.

The flip side to that is Lance Armstrong, in top physical shape, tapping hot chicks for hours...with one testicle.
Any questions?

Comments are required.


Matt E. Warren said...

I'll be first, just like the person who isn't afraid to raise their hand in class while everyone sits staring like idiots.

Damn This Silly World said...

I prefer sex to be more interactive lol.

~Damn This Silly World

Meghan said...

-If I could go back in time as me and be at the end of my H.S. Graduation Receiving line I would pimp slap 'me' across the face.

-Candy dyes are out of control. A.D.D. is on the rise. Hmmm. I saw a child on a park bench with twitching eyes, a restless leg eating a nerds candy covered rope of licorice. His other hand was tugging on his hair.

-I watch Sex and the City for the Men, FUCK the shoes.

-I think the Proclaimers are at a Pub Table hunched over singing that very song with very bloated yellow skin.

-And finally - the Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Da quote is going to keep me going the rest of the day!!

Linda said...

Went to the bank in a fit of happiness to cash my stimulus check but I ran out of gas on the way there....

blue said...

i have no idea how I landed here, but I. LIKE.!

incidentally, they just recently set up an office for a bank loan officer at the Chevron I go to...