Cougars. The Voters of Today

Correct me of I am wrong, but back in 1992, (or was it 1996?), the Presidential General Election's focus was on the 'soccer moms', a group that irritates the living hell out of me so much so that I'd rather pack my asshole with a Roman Candle and squat over a lit Weber grill than spend five minutes observing them in their natural environment.

They bitched and moaned about everything and basically determined that a slick dude that can play the sax and shag strange pussy would get in the White House.

Well, here it is, 2008. And I believe that we are witnessing another group of voters join in en masse to not only voice their opinions on the Presidency, but voice them on just about anything. Starting with American Idol, I guess.

I am talking about Cougars. What is a Cougar? Well, a Cougar is:

"an older woman, usually 35+, who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie or MILF. Cougars are gaining in popularity as young men find not only a sexual high, but many times a chick with her shit together, aka Sugar Mama."

The proof that the Cougars of America are growling loudly is the recent conclusion to Idol, where David Cook won convincingly. Apparently, a large portion of the 12 million votes that crushed David "Mommy what are these little hairs on my change purse?" Archuleta came from said Cougars. Or as an apparent sign said, "Cougars 4 Cook".

Now, I can't think of anything more irrelevant in this world than voting even once for the American Idol. I mean, if you read the article, one particular cougar voted for Cook 473 times, which is amazing considering that her natural environment is in a bar scouting the 20 something males while opening a Miller High Life with her cameltoe bottle opener. That pay phone was worn out by nights end.

But, if the numbers are correct, then we can hopefully expect a similar number of voters out there come November, determining who the next person will be to sit in the Oval Office and become fodder for mediocre Saturday Night Live impersonations.

Come to think of it, the Cougars of today ARE the Soccer Moms of yester-year. I guess that bodes well for Barack Obama, because John McCain is way too old for the Cougar to sink her teeth into.

Cougars unite! And I am way too old for you cougar ladies, by the way.