Get with the program means so much more

A few of you youngsters out there are unfamiliar with the term "rabbit ears". A lot of you are clueless of the term "turn the dial".

Then again, a lot of you are clueless about life, you douchebags.

I digress.

You see, television technology has jumped leaps and bounds over the past 25+ years. I can rememeber when cable TV was a novelty, like when only the rich, fuckheaded, tool-boxy neighbors "The Johnson's" could afford that shit. I was stuck with five channels and an antenna, wondering what it would be like to see a movie un-cut and maybe even a bad word thrown in for good measure.

VCR's were a big deal too. Record television and movies? Fo' real? Watch movies, uncut over and over again until the machine ate the tape? That was awesome!

Over time, those things came and went, upgraded and improved. Obviously, as you can tell by my assholish behavior and seedy language, I did eventually get that cable, partaking in many nights of Skinemax After Dark and movies that an 11 year old has no business watching (Revenge of the Nerds, Deliverance, Anything with Eddie Murphy), but I did, and I am now an angel to prove it.

We've moved onto TiVo, Satellite Television, DVD players, Digital Recording devices, Digital Cable, Plasma Screen TV's, Flat Screens, YouTube, Webcasts, so on and so forth. And in reality I have tried to keep up with the technology as best I could, without being such a dick hole that I have to have the latest thing all the time, like you credit rich assholes that HAVE to have all the latest to show off to your buddies that hate you until football season, and compensate for that "Lack of Weiner Girth Syndrome" that you have.

With all of that palaver being said, I have seen, for the 1,902nd time, that commercial stating that after February 2009, if you still use an antenna to receive television, you'll need some kind of converter box to watch TV as everything is going digital.

Great advice.

I'll take it a step further.

If you still receive your TV solely by antenna, that means that you still have to turn the dial to change channels, in which my polite advice is to GET WITH THE 21ST CENTURY, YOU HORSE AND BUGGY DRIVING RETARDS! Good Lord! It's 2008! Buy a new television and get with the program called Cable TV or something! Now, I get that some people might be out in the "Boonies of North Dakota" and they don't get cable out there, yeah fine sure. But you aren't still farming with Oxen and Push Plows, are you? No. And do you know why? They are inefficient antiques that were state of the art at the turn of the last century, for God's sake. For the Love of all that is Holy, get a satellite dish, since, well, we do live in a country that has landed a man on the moon (allegedly), landed some piece of shit on Mars (allegedly), has a missile Defense System (allegedly) and put about 100 million floaty thingies in our Earth's atmosphere to keep us ahead of the times information-wise.

So, do it already, before you end up watching NBC and Kelly Ripa blatther on about nothing like the crack-headed wind-up doll she is while a tornado rips through your Wagon Train, which would not happen had you had the Weather Channel.

Get the picture?

Do any of you actually use an antenna for TV anymore? If you do, ever comsider stealing cable, because, well, you are a loser if you don't have at least that?